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About Deviant Premium Member LukeMale/Italy Group :iconunicopy: Unicopy
Positivity + Chair Kicking = Luv
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my infamous demon-gallery. Please avoid everything that was posted before 2011...




Current Residence: ..."Long ago in the distant realm of Thiene, Italy"...
Favourite genre of music: EVERYTHING
Favourite photographer: Peter Parker
Favourite style of art: Frank Miller's, Luigi Piccatto's, Man Gataro's
Operating System: WINDOWS 7
Shell of choice: nut
Favourite cartoon character: Ed,Edd&Eddy, Homer Simpson, Samurai Jack, American Dad, Duck Dodgers, The Mask, Cartman, Dr. Zoidberg, Deadpool
Personal Quote: "Why is everyone so FUCKING stupid???" Kim Jong-il
...Yesterday... I saw in the newsstand that they were selling among the DVDs a pack of two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies and it costed only 9 euros, the price of one film.

Hoping that the pack contained the original 1990 film (which is VERY good and deserves money) and the sequel "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze" (which instead doesn't really deserve money) I decided the next day (which is today) to go get my hands on that DVD pack.

I grabbed and scrutinized every side of it... BUT IT DIDN'T SAY WHICH MOVIES IT CONTAINED.
It just said "two movies" and that's all. I decided to take the risk and I gave 9 euros making it mine, so I took the carton off and looked at the back of the DVD: still no answers, just "two movies" again.

...I opened it... It had "The Secret of the Ooze" ...And motherfucker "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III".

The first, as I already said, "The Secret of the Ooze" DOESN'T deserve anybody's money. It's not a good film, in fact, it's actually pretty brainless and it believes the kids would watch any fucking thing as long as it has the Turtles in. It's a talentless piece of shit and it was pure, undeserved LUCK that back in 1991 it managed to clear its production budget with the box office.
...But "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III"... Is one of the worst fucking movies of all time. Everyone hates it guts.

...So what did I do standing there in the newsstand holding those two abominations that just robbed me like a fucking LOSER? At first I was tempted to do this:

But instead I went out... As soon as I saw a trash can in an alley I immediatly reached it... And I truned my rage on that fucking DVD pack by breaking it in two. The disk of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III" fell off. I thrusted the remains of the pack and the disk of "The Secret of the Ooze" in the garbage and I fucking DESTROYED the disk of Episode 3 breaking it into pieces with my bare hands and STOMPING it in the mud. Then I put it in the trash can as well and I spitted inside.
...I was fucking STEAMING.

But the worst part was being a victim of motherfucking FALSE ADVERTISING.
You hope for a pack of DVD of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies to contain the first two movies since they're the most successful ones, but NO! They DON'T tell you what's in the box and so you're left with an AWFUL surprise once you open it.
This REALLY frustrates me, I'm giving you money and all you do is TRICKING people by making them unintentionally pay for a mediocre movie and a MASSIVE piece of shit film, and they can't do nothing to get their money back!
YOU NEED TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY'RE BUYING. You shouldn't trick them with false and misleading advertising!
I personally don't like spending money on stuff I don't want to own, ESPECIALLY movies I dislike, I hope this experience makes you realize that you gotta be careful on what you're spending your money on and regarding false/misleading advertising in general.
But the fact they change and mislead the cover of the package to sell SHIT really shows how cash-grabbing and desperate they are.

...I was so fucking furious I couldn't control myself, I had all the right to be pissed off and destroy those disks, but I SHOULDN'T have destroyed the package, really, I should've just remove the paper of the cover and throw it in the trash with the DVDs but keep that pack with the space for two disks.
Hey, at least someone will not buy those two films and raise their kids with those two pieces of shit, so I'm kind of a hero XP

Well, I learnt an important lesson today, I hope you'll take to heart the stuff you just read so you won't commit my mistakes and fall into the web of false/misleading advertising, because wasting money on shit you hate is NOT cool.
You know what? FUCK IT, once I post this I'm gonna go down in my local nerd store and I'll order the DVD of the original 1990 movie because GODDAMNIT I wanted to buy that film and I fucking will.
...Damn it though, I was saving 30 euros to buy "Flubber", "Hook" and "One Hour Photo" to commemorate Robin Williams, but I'll be left with 10 euros only. Well, shit, it will be for another time.
In any case this was bullshit, be careful, people. Be very careful.

Well, I returned from the Nerd Store... After learning that the original 1990 movie is out of copies.
...Instead, the pack with those two shits is EVERYWHERE.
...This is why we can't have nice fucking things.
Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go curl up in a corner to weep while listening Paul McCartney's "Yesterday".


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writemaster93 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
You ever watch MST3K?
killb94 Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Yes I did watch it
writemaster93 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Some of my favorites were the English dubbed Russo-Finnish films.
writemaster93 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Have you seen Cabin in the Woods?
killb94 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014
At first I disliked it because... Get this: I had the exact same idea in mind if I had to make a movie (SAME THING I swear: archetypes, underground facility, outbreak and gods) and my version had exactly 30 monsters and it was meant for an italian horror film budget.
Since italian cinema SUCKS nowdays, the project I had in mind and I harvested with passion and thought with a bunch of other people was meant to be unique and make the world interested in Italian Horror movies with an over the top satire.
...But thanks to THAT movie that came out in 2012, we had to erase everything.
A few years later even my ideas for the Power Rangers movie had to be trashed since they're making a movie about THEM too XP

But over the time I got over that and I do watch "Cabin in the Woods" every Halloween, alongside "The Monster Squad", "Freddy VS Jason" and George Romero's zombie films... Some of the people who worked on that project with me still despise the movie XD
The only horror movie monster tropes that was missing IMO were killer toys/dolls... Come on, how could they not have included those?
writemaster93 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I think it would've been neat if there guys screaming stuff like 'This is a bug hunt, man, a bug hunt!'  'Game over, man!  Game over!'  'It's a madhouse!  A madhouse!' only to get killed in the middle of yelling them.

The closest we had to toys were the Dolls, the people in the white masks who doused a bunch of people with gasoline and torched them.  They were based off the killers from The Strangers.

Well, they didn't have a Freddy or a Jason.  Figures they didn't have a Chuckie.

I'm thinking Gravity Falls could have something like that.  Or maybe a Disney thing where the monsters are all the demons from Night on Bald Mountain and Chernaog is the god they're trying to please, because I'm pretty sure Chernabog is the Disney universe's Satan.
killb94 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014
Yes, they couldn't homage Freddy or Jason, but they could Pinhead:…
These are monsters we made in our "original" story:

= Beetlejuice-looking ghoul
= Imposing masked slasher (meant to homage Jason and Michael Myers)
= Giant carnivorous plant
= Zombies
= Killer robot (our was more like a mix between ED-209 and
Johnny Five)
= Devil
= Killer dolls (while I'm a Chucky fan, these are inspired by the movie
= Alien monster (our looked ALOT similar to the Xenomorph)
= The flying monkeys
= "Frankenstein" (a mix between the doctor and the creature)
=  Medusa (straight up identical to the one in the classic "Clash of the Titans")
= An "invisible man" (from the italian horror comicbook
Dylan Dog:… )
= Killer clown (our was identical to the one in ANOTHER
Dylan Dog issue:… )
= Vampire (straight up identical to Nosferatu, he also turns into a bat)
= Werewolf
= The "chainsaw people" (meant to homage Leatherface and
"The hills have eyes")
= Acid-spitting radioactive person
= Witches (one is monstrous, the second is "classic" with a flying broomstick and the third is attractive-looking)
= "Gatto Mammone" (it's an italian folk creature, basically a big demoniacal cat. At first they wanted to put the Hound of Baskerville, but I suggested Gatto Mammone to have the monsters more varied, since the werewolf was already the "canine monster", and I also wanted to put an italian touch)
= Bluebeard
= Killer cartoon (concept meant to homage Judge Doom from
"Who framed Roger Rabbit")
= A dragon

= The abominable snowman
= Baron Samedi-looking Voodoo witch doctor
= The Headless Horseman
= Giant mantis (meant to homage '50s B-Movies)
= Manbearpig (YES, I'm not kidding)
= Living skeletons
= Sadako Yamamura-looking ghost girl
= Plague doctors

Our story was more over the top-looking (the scientists working in the facility wore white coats, leather gloves and goggles, and the place where the monsters were kept was more basic, a prison with walls of glass instead of bars, something like this:… ) but for that reason it was also more subtle. The leader of the facility appeared before the two survivors (in our story the survivors were the nerd and the jock, which fucked up the whole ritual because the virgin was meant to die last) and only HINTS at the fact that this was all a ritual to please the ancient gods, who wanted it to be flawless and "by the book".
In our story the ancient gods were meant to be LESS of an homage to Lovecraft, and had a more metaphorical meaning: the ancient gods who at the end get pissed off and destroy the whole place ARE THE AUDIENCE of horror films, and movies in general. They look at everything, and ask for
different and more elaborate experiences in movies that has lead to, ironically, many MORE chiché filled films and a decadence on the horror genre... And they of course just TRASH a movie if they aren't pleased.
I know they KINDA hint at that in the film, but in our story it was the main goal of the satire, and you didn't need Joss Whedon to come in and EXPLAIN it. Overall, our story was meant to be more "show don't tell", "Cabin in the Wood" has the flaw of being alittle spoon-feeding IMO, but I still enjoy it.
Love the inclusion of the unicorn.
(1 Reply)
writemaster93 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You ever seen Dr. Strangelove?
killb94 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
But of course.
writemaster93 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
If I had to make a character for that movie, he would represent the common people-realizes the insanity that's going on but can't do anything about it, is caught in the middle of things, is never able to make himself heard, and kills himself in the end, cursing his superiors for killing the world.  He' be President Muffley's assistant, he'd look very frail and mousy to compared to the other men, and frequently mentions the female influences in his life like his mother.  Not sure what his name would be, though.
killb94 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2014
If he's supposed to represent a common person (in this case an american since he's Muffley's assistant) I'd name him something with "Smith" since that's the most common surname in the United States.

Kinda like I'm doing in the script of my imaginary movie "Alien Invasion!", it has multiple archs going on, but the character that is down-to-Earth and takes things seriously in the middle of the insanity is a highschool nerd who I named Emmet Smith for the same reason.
(1 Reply)
luckystar555 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
llama for llama?
Music---Junky Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi! Hey there!Hi!

Bullet; Blue You're Invited!!! Bullet; Blue

Bullet; Purple Spread--the--Art is always looking for new artists interested in being a part of our group! We'd love to have you, so come check us out! Bullet; Purple

Bullet; Orange While you're visiting, please take a moment to vote on our weekly contest & consider entering our monthly contest, even if you don't want to join! Bullet; Orange…
writemaster93 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Have you heard of Bojack Horseman?
killb94 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
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